Joyfully at Home: Chapter Eleven

Overcoming a False View of God's Sovereignty & Embracing the Bigger Picture

Jasmine Baucham shares:

"I desire to get married, so I know I will!"

"The Lord does not give us more than we can bear, and I am not wired for a life of singleness, so I will get married."

These sentiments have all been uttered to me at one point or another by young women who desire to get married. They have been uttered by sixteen-year-olds who are convinced that the Lord will send them a husband by their eighteenth birthday. They have been uttered by twenty-eight-year-olds who just know that the Lord would not have them to be single in their thirties. They have been uttered by young women in their thirties who have become embittered towards the Lord because He has not kept His promise to give them the desires of their hearts.

In so many ways, this issue is the crux of discontentment. This is why I worry when I see a young woman at the tender age of eighteen becoming despondent because no one has asked for her hand in marriage yet. She is worried that something is wrong with her, and that this silence will set the pattern for years to come. 

I worry for the girl ten years her senior, who has had men come and go, but does not think any of them have been the right man for her. She is wondering if she should settle for the next guy that asks her, because, let's face it, she's not getting any younger.

I worry for the girl who knows a young man that she would jump at the chance to marry, if only he would glance at her. She is turning down perfectly acceptable, godly young men because of the one guy whose attention she can't get, and she's perfectly convinced that God will send her the one she wants.

...I am not arguing that that godly young women will not have moments of battling with discontentment. 
But I am arguing that it should be a battle! So many of us have given up fighting. 
We have accepted discontentment as the status quo. 
And while I know that many of us receive encouragement from our mothers, fathers, and mentors, I want to offer a bit of encouragement as someone who doesn't "remember all to well" what it's like to be in that single season--she's still right there with you...


In so many ways, understanding this point is solving the root of our discontentment problem:
We don't truly trust in the Lord's sovereignty.
While it's easy to say, "I trust the Lord to bring me a husband in his sovereign timing," it's harder to live those words out--to live, day by day, joyfully trusting Him. And while we might pretend to hold our dreams in open palms instead of clenched fists, and our lips may be saying, "I trust the Lord's sovereign will," our hearts scream out at the possibility that His sovereign will may not include a spouse in the near future--or at all. We "trust God's sovereign will" on our own terms:
If He gives us what we want, He's a good and loving God; if what we want doesn't end up aligning with His will, we play the blame game.

And instead of turning to Him for comfort, we turn to a daydream.
Whether your dream proposal includes Dean Martin crooning Volare while you sail through Venice on a gondola or you're thinking you'd like to go the Hollywood route and get proposed to in the rain on your front porch, our desire for marriage becomes the seat of our emotions. 
Our every waking thought is directed towards someday, and we lose sight of today.
Worse, we lose sight of the Author of today.
And yet we still expect Him to satiate our longing for an idea that has become an idol.


Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Ps. 37:4

So many of us disregard the first part of that passage and cling hungrily to the second. "He will give me the desires of my heart!!" If I desire a husband, I'll get one, because husbands are good things, my God is a good God, my God is able, and He will not withhold my desires from me!
We completely miss the command in that promise:
delight yourself in the Lord.
Which entails placing our desires at the foot of the cross.
Which means placing our hope and trust solely in Him--squarely in His hands.
And when we trust the Lord with all of our hearts
(Prov. 3:5),
when we entrust our desires to Him, what we most wish for would be that 
His will be done, 
even if His will for us does not include marriage.
It's a lesson that we'll have to embrace throughout our lives, even if we get married tomorrow:
Truly trusting God's sovereignty means letting go of our plans in light of His will....

read more.

Joyfully at Home: Chapter Ten

Overcoming a False View of Singleness

Jasmine Baucham states:

Why don't we enjoy our single years?

Instead of wringing our hands in helpless, lonely melancholy, or conversely, allowing ourselves to become distracted and discouraged by the list of things that we must achieve before we can get married, as if marital preparation were some sort of checklist that we could mark off with a gold sticker awaiting us at the end (enter: tall, dark, and handsome), let's understand that, while honest evaluation of our level of growth can be sober and spur us onward as we mature in Christ, that maturity in Christ is the goal here--

not matrimony.

You could be married nine months from now, or you could be married nine years from now. The Lord might purpose for you to never marry. There is no way that you can know exactly when or to whom you will wed. But here's what we do know: The Lord has given us life, perhaps an unmarried one at this point, and has given us a mission to carry out, single or married (Matt. 28:18-20), and is constantly sanctifying us, single or married, and has called us to a purpose, single or married...

And that's a wonderful thing!

I am not suggesting that we should not actively prepare to be capable wives and mothers...but daughterhood is the best training ground. Checklists aside, yes, we should have goals in mind, but not superficial goals that will crumble and waver with every unmarried year that passes. Our goals should be spiritual ones, ones that we can strive for whether we are getting married next year of getting married ten years from now, goals that can serve the Lord if He calls us to a life of singleness or whether we end of having eight children. Our goal should be to bless others in whatever sphere of influence the Lord has placed us--in whatever context He has called us to live out the biblical womanhood that He has called us to.

To spend my unmarried years discontentedly counting the moments until I'm married, missing out on all of the blessings and opportunities the Lord has provided for me here and now, for His glory...that would truly be a waste.

...trust in the Lord's sovereign timing as you look towards the future.

check it out.

Joyfully at Home: Chapter Nine

Overcoming a False View of Self

On this subject, Jasmine Baucham writes:

I believe that, many times, we as young women become discontent in singleness because we get tired of our sin natures. We chalk up every frustration we have in our lives now, and imagine that marriage will reverse that frustration. This is somewhat linked to our false view of husbands, yes, but I believe that it goes much deeper than that: We have a false view of ourselves. 

We tend to view marriage and men as something we can throw together on an assembly line. I'm this way, so he'll be that way. I like this, so he'll do that, I don't like this about my life, so when I'm married, life will be this way...And if we can get the perfect combination, the sins we struggle with in singleness will vanish in the light of love, compatibility  and planning. Because everyone knows that the sins we struggle with now aren't our faults; they're caused by our surroundings. A change of pace would eradicate them completely, yes?

In doing so, we miss the big picture:

Marriage entails sanctification.

Which means that while, in a sense, your husband might be the corresponding half that will make you whole (to wax a bit poetic), we can't expect the pieces to fit together perfectly, because we're flawed human beings who, in every season of our lives, will experience trials that will drive us to the cross. If our marriage could remedy every sin and discontent in our lives, we wouldn't need the gospel. Marriage does not bring automatic righteousness. We will not suddenly wake up one morning manifesting the fruit of the spirit just because we've said our wedding vows. 

Growth and character are things that we can pursue right now, in singleness, and things that we should be pursuing. And pursuing them will keep us so very busy that we will have little time to pine over Prince Charming knocking on our doors. In fact, pursuing them will make us much more capable and realistic wives if Prince Charming should come around.

....Instead of waiting for marriage to straighten us out, let's endeavor to seek the Lord's will now as He grows and matures us, by His grace. Single or married, it's something we all need to do! The gospel is the only "cure-all" there is--I'm so grateful we serve a sovereign King who will bring the work to completion (Phil. 1:6). 

check it out.

Joyfully at Home: Chapter Eight

Overcoming a False View of Husbands

Jasmine Baucham hit the nail on the head when she said:

...I'm going to wake up one morning (not right away, perhaps, but eventually) and realize that we were made to be the suitable helpers of flawed men, and not the other way around (Gen. 2:19-25). Beyond that, we're flawed women who react to flawed men, sometimes, in very flawed ways. Some days, there will be trouble in paradise. And beyond that, we're not goddesses to be worshiped  but helpmeets who are going to be in the trenches. If we go into a marriage looking to have our needs met, we're eventually going to realize that marriage, like every other area of our lives, isn't all about us.

In fact, in many ways, marriage is less about us than singleness is.

We should not develop the habit of placing all of our hops in fallible human beings, because they are sure to disappoint us. Christ should always be the center of our joy (Deut. 6:5), in singleness or in marriage. And, whether or not the Lord has marriage in our futures, that's a lesson we need to learn right now, because it's a lesson that will keep us focused on the Lord whether single or married. As single women, we need to learn to place our needs and desires at the foot of the cross, not on the alter of the perfect husband-to-be.

Marry Kassian writes in her book, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild, in light of the nature of women and their complementary difference from the men in their lives:

So here's my advice to you--unmarried or married--who 

want to be Girls-Gone-Wise:Let him drive. Wait for him to

pick up the keys (physically and metaphorically). Hold back.

Don't rush in. Give him a chance to initiate. Welcome his

leadership. I know that nowadays, men are plagued with the

sin of passivity. This is primarily due to their sin natures, but 

also in part because women have shoved them out of the driver's

seat and brashly taken the wheel. I know that many women 

ache for their men to step up and be men. What I advise all

the [young women] crying on my shoulder is this: "Reclaiming

your womanhood is the best way to help a man reclaim his

manhood." We live in a world broken by sin. So this isn't easy.

But a Girl-Gone-Wise inclines her heart to embrace her role as 

a woman and follow God's design.

Believe it or not, our desire for certain things in life will not be wholly satiated once we're married. Some of us may wait anxiously for the children the Lord will bless us with. Some of us will then wait anxiously for the milestones in that child's life. We might wait for a financial issue to be resolved, or we may wait for a certain ministry opportunity to open up. The opportunities for waiting--for longing--will continue till the day we die. We need to find our sufficiency in Christ during these longing seasons, to dwell on him, to seek his heart. When Hannah longed for a son, she had no way of knowing how the Lord was going to answer her longing, yet she trusted him, even as she cried out to the Lord (1 Sam. 1).

You know what I like to think about even more than being a blushing bride, looking down the isle at the man I've waited for, knowing by then his side of the story (although that sounds heavenly as well)? I like to think about having been married for fifty plus years, having been loved purely and freely by my best friend for the balance of my days, having sought hard after the things of the Lord together, having faced life's trials and triumphs side-by-side...I think I'll look at him one day while he's doing a task I've watched him do a million times, and I won't think of the wait so much as I'll think of the fullness of our time spent together. And I think what I'll feel and what I'll know then will be worth all the wondering I may have experienced before he came on the scene.

I couldn't have said it better.

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Joyfully at Home: Chapter Seven

Overcoming a False View of Marriage

Jasmine Baucham writes:

...Envision yourself in your fallen state, striving--by God's grace--to uphold the precepts in the Ephesians 5:22-6:4 passage. Envision your family and other Christian families you know as they sometimes falter along this journey, purposing to honor the Lord as husbands love and lead their wives, as wives respect and submit to their husbands, as they guide their children, who are to obey them as unto the Lord.

Envision life right now as what it is:

A training ground for the dream you are holding so desperately in your heart. See your parents as disciplers who are, by God's grace, helping to mold you into the woman whose worth is "far above rubies" (Prov. 31:10), that wife who is a "good thing" (Prov. 18:22). See your household as a training ground that will teach you the homemaking skills that you will need to succeed (Titus 2:3-5). See your precious siblings in all their sin nature, and realize that whatever work you help your parents do with them is training for the work you will do with your own little "cherubs" someday (Eph. 6:1-4).

See life for all its beauties and all its hardships...

And put those dreams in their proper place.

Desire marriage in its proper context--as a vessel for God's glory--more and more, and you will grow to realize that it is nothing to sigh over. It is a battlefield to prepare for. We are God's children--we don't have to wait to fight the battle. We're fighting everyday in singleness, for joy and wholeness in whatever state the Lord has placed us.

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Joyfully at Home: Chapter Six

What is Joyful Contentment?

Jasmine Baucham shares....


...we need to live in the present while planning for the future. When we stand before the Lord, we will be responsible for the way we used all our time, not just our married years. We need to learn, right now, to find our contentment in the Lord. As daughters, as wives, as mothers, every aspect of our lives should be geared towards Him. As single daughters in the home, our long-term focus should not be on that husband of ours that may come along; it should be on the Lord's Kingdom. All of our other longings, desires, aspirations, and actions should be filtered through this lens.... 

Check it out. :)

Joyfully at Home: Chapter Five

Contributing to a Joyful Atmosphere

Jasmine Baucham says.....

Being a good daughter to your mother and father and showing kindness to your siblings are both ways to contribute to a joyful atmosphere in your home, but the attitude goes much deeper than mere actions.

True joy starts in your heart.

The crux of understanding the message of Joyfully at Home is to understand the beauty of finding your joy in Christ. This sort of joy is not so much a Pollyanna, Sally Sunshine view of life as it is an understanding of what a joy-sucking battlefield the world we live in can be.

Joy-stealers come in all different shapes and sizes, but, most often, the lack of joy starts in our hearts....

So many of us leave our best behavoir for those outside of our immediate families. We learn to put on a happy face and to control our actions. We save the fruit of the spirit for the people we truly want to impress (Galatians 5:16-27). If our joyful demeanor is a mask that we only put on when we leave the house, then it is a farce. A truly joyful young lady blesses her family the same way she seeks to bless others.

It can be difficult.

It's easy to put a mask on for people outside of your home--it's not-so-easy to fight the battle for joy twenty-four seven. As we strive, it is so important to keep the lines of communication with our parents open. As adult women living at home, there is a fine balance to strike between competence and independence.

Here are a few lessons I have learned about creating harmony in family dynamics

(Note from me: I am just listing the suggestions she gives. To get the bigger picture and to see how she elaborates on each lesson, I encourage you to buy the book :):

1. Give your parents your heart

2. Keep the lines of communication open

3. When you're at an impasse, learn to submit

4. Don't spend your discontent moments daydreaming about married life

5. Don't try to find that loophole

6. If you want to be treated like and adult, act like one

7. Set measurable goals

Be joyful.

Not because I said so, but because you know Him.

Not because you want to look good to the outside world, but because you're living for Him.

Not becasue it's what you're "supposed to do," but because He gives you all the reason you need to live life abundantly.

Not for any reason other than because it's what He's called you to do.

Check it out! =)

Joyfully at Home: Chapter Four

This chapter had so much "good meat" in it! Here are just a few paragraphs out of chapter four...

Words written by an older sister, Jasmine Baucham.

Becoming a Good Sister (or brother ;) to Your Siblings

Invest in your younger siblings! If you have brothers, encourage them to become godly young men. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty or do silly things to entertain them. Pretty soon, you will be having fun yourself. If you have younger sisters, invite them into your lives. Model biblical womanhood for them when you spend time with them. Don't treat them like pests or impositions; instead, treat them like people who are looking up to you. As an older sister, you have an incredible responsibility to invest in them. And, as daunting as it sounds, that responsibility can be so incredibly rewarding.

If you do not have much younger siblings who need your help, and you are afraid that you are missing out on valuable training in that area, don't lose heart! The Lord has given you a freedom to minister in ways that your peers with younger siblings may not have the opportunity to minister.

Whatever the ages of your siblings--whether they are twenty years older or twenty years younger--your years at home are a perfect time to invest in building strong relationships with them. This will go a long way in promoting harmony in your home, and giving you the base you need for truly being a blessing in other relationships you will form throughout your life.

Mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters and such precious gifts, and there are so many ways that our attitudes and actions towards them can contribute to a joyful atmosphere in your home.

Learn more! =)

Joyfully at Home: Chapter Three

A few words about dad's by Jasmine Baucham....

Becoming a Good Daughter to Your Father

...If your dad loves the Lord, you have been given an incredible blessing in him. If he strives to instill biblical wisdom in you (Deut. 6, Eph. 6:1-4), and if he has a vision for your family, you are doubly blessed. You have been given the amazing opportunity to bless your father as he strives to be the priest (Josh. 24:15), prophet (Eph. 6:4), provider (1 Tim. 5:8, Titus 2:5), and protector (Neh. 4:13, 14) in your home. You can aid his mission by helping him with his work, taking charge of projects he may have in mind for you, and learning all you can from him about his vision for your family so that you can become an effective ambassador for him outside of your household....

Learn more.

Joyfully at Home: Chapter Two

Check it out.

Here is an excerpt from the second chapter in the book, Joyfully at Home, by Jasmine Bacham...

Becoming a Good Daughter to Your Mother

.....Our mama's are all less than perfect, because we're all fallible humans. There is an old saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt." Although few of us would say that we feel contempt for either of our parents, many of us are so used to concentrating on our mother's faults (on things we dislike about her, on the pet-peeves we have cultivated, on the daily annoyances we can so easily become hung up on, on the character flaws we have grown up noticing, etc.). We tend to be far less patient with our mothers than we ought to be; however, as we show forbearance and as we learn to focus, not on all the flaws we see in our mothers, but instead, on their virtues, many of us will realize that we are living with Proverbs 31 women that we have not even learned to appreciate.....

Joyfully at Home: Chapter One

Check it out!

This book is amazing. I highly recommend it.

For the next couple of weeks, please allow me to share some excerpts from the pages of this magnificent book, written by 20-something-year-old Jasmine. 

Becoming a Good Daughter for Your Heavenly Father

Before we can learn about being good daughters or good sisters--before we can talk about becoming good wives or training to be godly mothers--before we can talk about using our gifts, talents, and abilities to bless those in the amazing sphere of the home...

We have to understand that, as believers, the chief end of all of these pursuits--and of every other pursuit we could think to undertake--is the same: Man's primary purpose is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

It doesn't take much searching to realize that, in our post-modern culture, and because of our sin-natures (Psalm 51:5), making decisions for the glory of God and not for the gratification of our flesh is not an easy task. But because we have been redeemed by the blood of Christ (2 Cor. 5:17), and because we have a flawless road map in the Word of God (2 Tim. 3:16-17), we are capable of taking the road less traveled (Matt. 7:13-14) and re-examining our presuppositions based on the wisdom of God's Word.

The book you hold in your hands only has merit insofar as it encourages you to delve deeper into the Word of God as you grow into the young woman that he has called you to be.

However, knowing where to start can be daunting. Knowing which voices to listen to in the din of conflicting opinions can be confusing! If we want to get a solid grasp on biblical womanhood, where do we start?...

Answering the Guy Questions: Chapter Seven

 Here is the last chapter in the book.... I hope you have enjoyed these little excerpts and have gleaned something from them as I have. I have really enjoyed reading all of Leslie's books. I hope you will consider getting comfortable in a easy chair, with a cup of tea in hand, and read the entire book, Answering the Guy Questions....

click here

Chapter Seven
Fairy-Tale Love Stories

 In a modern world ravaged by mindless sex and mediocre marriages, achieving a fairy-tale love story is no small accomplishment. The enemy of our souls seems to be extra aggressive these days in his attempts to ruin beautiful romances before they even begin. It makes sense, if you think about it. When relationships are built upon God's perfect pattern, they lead to strong, healthy, Christ-centered marriages. Strong, Christ-centered marriages lead to strong Christ-centered families. And strong, Christ-centered families breed strong, Christ-centered churches and communities. Strong, Christ-centered churches and communities progress the kingdom of God and wage war on the kingdom of darkness. So it's no wonder Satan wants to destroy the beauty of God-scripted romance.

Building a romance God's way is not a formula. God works differently in different people. However there are certain principles that always govern a Christ-centered relationship. If you truly build your life and love story around these principles, you can be certain you'll experience a beautiful romance and avoid the heartache so common in our modern times.

Principle One: Keep Christ at the Center
Your romance with Christ is not supposed to be a stand-in until you finally meet the man you'll marry. Your romance with Christ is meant to be the lifelong passion of your heart and soul. Your earthy love story should pale in comparison to your love story with Christ--not just during your single years, but everyday for the rest of your life. And if it ever comes down to a choice between Christ and your future husband, Jesus Christ must always come first.

Principle Two: Vigilantly Protect Purity
The reason we don't understand the importance of purity in because we don't understand the significance of the marriage covenant. A wedding isn't merely a ceremony in which you verbally commit to love each other for the rest of your lives. A wedding is a sacred exchange--a holy covenant in which two lives become one. Until you have entered into that covenant, you are still individuals--no matter how committed you might be to the relationship. Once you enter the sacred covenant, you are no longer two individuals, but "one flesh." Then and only then are you free to enjoy each other's bodies in an intimate way.
If you engage in sensual touch prior to entering that sacred covenant, you dishonor God's perfect design and leave yourselves wide open for the enemy to ravage the beauty and nobility of your relationship.

Principle Three: Experience God's Restoration
God-scripted love stories are not just for those who have never compromised. In fact, the very reason that Christ sacrificed everything for us was to offer us the chance to be restored, washed clean, and given a hope and a future.
If you feel that you've "gone too far" to experience a truly pure and beautiful God-scripted love story, let me assure you that it's never too late to be restored and made new by His amazing cleansing blood.

~Leslie Ludy

Answering the Guy Questions: Chapter Six



click here

Chapter Six
Code of Conduct

The main points covered in this chapter were:

How do I get to know a guy in a Christ-honoring way?
1. Engage in Christ-honoring Conversation
2. Show Decorum in Your Body Language
a. Anything that you wouldn't do with another guy after marriage is something that you shouldn't do with another guy before marriage.

What should I do when I'm attracted to a guy?
1. Give it to God
2. Guard Your Thought Life
3. Don't Act Differently Around Him

How do I respond to a guy who shows interest in me?
1. Pray and Seek God's Help
2. Get Godly Council, Prayer, and Perspective from Older Adults 
3. Be Guarded and God Directed

Remember, God cares more about this area in your life than even you do! A life built around Jesus Christ is the best solution for any guy question you could ever face.

~Leslie Ludy


To get the whole picture, go here.



Answering the Guy Questions: Chapter Five

I only scraped the top of this chapter...I would encourage you to go buy this book of Leslie's. That way, you can find out all about being a Princess of Purity.... :P

click here

Chapter Five

Becoming a Princess of Purity

The problems of lust, perversion, and sexual addiction can seem overwhelming when you take a look at the state of modern manhood. But there are plenty of practical ways that we as young ladies can help guys overcome the sexual pitfalls that are so prevalent in today's world. We must remember that society's sexual problems are not just a result of modern guys. Girls are huge contributors. We shouldn't just point the finger of blame at the opposite sex and sit around complaining about how many guys are sexually warped. Rather, we should diligently pray that the sexual climate of our culture would realign with God's pattern. And then, by His enabling grace, we should do everything that lies within our power to help that dream become a reality.

Here are some practical ways we can begin...

1. Dress with Dignity

a. Showing Skin- Chest, thighs, stomach--these might seem harmless areas to show off, but if you were married and wanted to stay that way, you wouldn't allow another guy to touch you in any of those places. So why would you allow another guy to have the privilege of looking at what is meant for your husband's pleasure alone? When you keep your future husband's feelings at the forefront of your mind when deciding what to wear, the issue of how much skin to show becomes far less complicated.

b. Showing Figure- ...Remember, even though you may get male attention by wearing form-fitting clothes, a true warrior-poet is longing for a woman who showcases the true beauty of Christ instead of the cheap counterfeit of the culture. If you dress to honor your future husband, then a warrior-poet won't have to avert his eyes when you walk into the room. You'll be like a breathe of fresh air to his soul. He'll notice the light of Christ in your eyes and the radiance of your smile rather than being distracted by the outline of your body.

c. Dressing like a Lady- ...Don't think of modest dressing as giving up being feminine or attractive. Think of it as exchanging the culture's cheap counterfeit of feminine appeal for the stunning, God-designed version of female allure. Warrior-poet men aren't just looking for women who purposely dress down their feminine beauty or hide behind drab, tent-like clothes. They desire to see young women who exude a loveliness and graceful feminine beauty that flows from the inside out; a feminine dignity that is both modest and stunningly, refreshingly beautiful. Modest dressing isn't a mere obligation so that we don't cause guys to stumble. Rather, it's one of our most powerful tools in restoring respect, dignity, and nobility to modern femininity...

d. Swimsuits- ...as far as I am concerned, the same standards apply to swimwear as to the rest of our wardrobe. If we are showing off parts of our skin or figure that are meant only for our husband, then we are not dressing as a set-apart women....

2. Praise Princely Behavior

...When a guy realizes that a woman notices and applauds him when he does something Christ-like, he is far more likely to want to cultivate and repeat that behavior. Even if a guy isn't quite up to warrior-poet standards, allow God to show you the things in his life that are of a Christ-like pattern. Then let the guy know that you appreciate what you see in that area of his life. Chances are he'll start doing it more often. Plus, he'll awaken to the fact that he has the potential to be noble. Most guys just need to be told that they have princely attributes, and then they are more eager to cultivate them....

3. Get God's Heart Toward Lust and Pornography

a. Pray- When you see a guy stumble in sexual sin, don't waste time by worrying about it, gossipping about it, or being discouraged by it. Rather, pour all of your emotion out to God in passionate heart-felt prayer. Remember, the "effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man (or woman) avails much" (James 5:16).

b. Hate What God Hates- Yes, it is okay to be repulsed and shocked by pornography and sexual sin. In fact, if we don't hate the things that God hates, we don't possess the mind of Christ. You don't need to soften your response toward sexual sin to keep guys from feeling guilty or condemned. When young women finally begin to take a stand against sexual perversion, guys will be forced to take this area of their lives more seriously. Don't give into the pressure to just chuckle and shrug it off when a guy makes a sexual comment or talks  about his lustful habits. Let your reaction state that you are grieving for his wandering heart. Whether you respond in silence (which can send a very loud message!) or make a quiet comment like, "I believe that you can be a better man than that," allow God's Spirit to direct your response. Make sure that you respond with the love of Christ and not just your own selfish anger or hurt. As it says in 1 Corinthians 13, love believes all things. Love doesn't just call a person on their sin and leave them there. Rather, love speaks truth and then believes in the power of God to set us free from sin.  

c. Guard Your Own Heart- To keep oneself unspotted from the world means to remain completely unstained by corruption and pollution. The more of the world's pollution we allow into our minds and hearts, the more susceptible we are to the entrapment of mental perversion and lust.... Most young women I have talked to found that their first temptation toward lust or pornography came from movies, TV shows, or music they were exposed to. When we allow the warped mentalities of Hollywood to shape our perspective and fill our minds with impure images and attitudes, we open our minds wide for impurity to waltz right in and make itself at home. One of the best ways to guard your heart, keep yourself unspotted from the world, and remove your foot from evil is to eliminate worldly images and messages from entering your mind....

Be aggressive and ruthless in removing all that stands in the way of God's fullness for you as His set-apart princess. Every step you take out of darkness and into His marvelous light will be more than worth it!    

~Leslie Ludy

Answering the Guy Questions: Chapter Four

click here

Chapter Four

Heroic Womanhood

Christ-built femininity is a force to be reckoned with. When we allow the purity and power of Almighty God to radically transform our entire approach to womanhood, the men of our culture will step back in wonder. Every godly guy I've talked with has told me that when he encounters a young woman who is wholly consumed with Jesus Christ, she captivates him far more than even the most beautiful supermodels ever could.

Though most modern guys might appear to want women who are aggressive and easy to get, this kind of femininity is not what will capture the heart of a true warrior-poet. God designed men to diligently and valiantly pursue and woman. Guys are naturally intrigued by a woman with mystique--a woman who isn't willing to auction her heart and body to whomever passes by. if a man actually has to work to win a woman's heart, he will be far more likely to cherish and appreciate the gift he's labored so hard for. On the other hand, if a woman throws herself at him, though he might initially respond, he won't have much respect or appreciation for such easy prey, and he will never learn how to tenderly cherish the treasure of her heart.

Don't divulge all your deepest secrets, longings, fears, and desires right off the bat. Let God direct you in the gentle opening of you heart and gradual unveiling of the deepest treasures of your soul. Allow trust to build slowly and gradually. Share more of your heart with him the more he showcases the nature of Christ in his interaction with you. Allow him to seek out the inner workings of your heart. Maintain a sense of feminine mystery and guard the sacred things for sacred moments. This applies to both emotional guardedness and physical purity. Eric and I didn't hold hands until we knew we were in a relationship headed toward marriage. We didn't exchange the words "I love you" until the night of our engagement. And we didn't kiss until our wedding day. It may sound miserable and restrictive, but it was truly like a fairy tale. Because we kept sacred things sacred, it was mysterious, exciting, and beautiful--completely different than the careless, unromantic love stories so common in our modern times....

...even if you have been living far from the path of heroic femininity, Jesus Christ is ready to shape you into His likeness, starting today. So don't wait another moment before yielding to His perfect way. You'll never regret such a decision.

~Leslie Ludy

Answering the Guy Questions: Chapter Three

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Chapter Three

Unlocking Your Feminine Power

As women, we have a far greater power over the course of masculinity than most of us realize. We can use our femininity to influence men toward strength or toward weakness. Unfortunately, most of us don't use our feminine power correctly. We nag, criticize, complain, manipulate, and seduce--hoping that our self-built techniques will somehow work some magic and turn a frog into a prince. But when selfishness is our motivation for changing guys, we only end up fueling the problem and leading men into even greater weakness. Just like there are counterfeit versions of masculinity, there are counterfeit forms of femininity--twisted imitations of God's original design for womanhood. Sadly, most of us are very well-practiced in the counterfeit versions.

Let's take a closer look at some of the most common ones.....

one. arrogant femininity

...arrogant femininity in not Christ-built femininity. It's a twisted counterfeit of our feminine power--using our words to paralyze and defeat men rather than set them free to become valiant warrior-poets. As women, we are created to build men up, not tear them down. Rather, it means that we motivate guys to raise up to the standard of Christ through words and attitudes of encouragement instead of disgust.

two. nagging femininity

As we allow the Spirit of God to transform us into radiant examples of Christ's love, guys will be transfixed rather than turned off by our behavior and attitude. They will be won over to the ways of Christ simply by observing the beauty of Christ that exudes from us. A nagging or criticizing spirit quenches the power of Christ's Spirit within us, but a quiet, prayerful, reverent spirit brings true Christ-built feminine beauty to the forefront. When guys come face to face with stunning Christ-built radiance, they can't help but evaluate their own behavior in light of it...

three. seductive femininity

We cannot glorify God by flirting, flaunting our body, or using our seductive power to win the approval of guys. We don't draw attention to Christ through selfish manipulation and sex-appeal--that only draws attention to ourselves and brings guys down. If we want to see a positive change in the animalistic attitude of today's men, it's time we stop catering to the problem. It's time we begin to live as if we actually are the holy temple of the Most High God.

four. controlling femininity

...for a guy to become the warrior-poet that God intends him to be, he must be set free to be a man. In a marriage that means he's allowed to be the leader. He's given the position of final decision maker. It means that his wife allows him to guide and direct their relationship, their family, and the spiritual climate of their home. That does not mean that the woman has no say in any of these areas. On the contrary, a women's input and influence in a marriage and family are crucial parts of God's design. Whenever a woman is told to "get in her place" and given no voice whatsoever, that's a very clear sign that things are grossly out of balance. However, when a woman usurps authority over a man, diminishes his voice, and manipulates him into doing everything her way, that's an equally unhealthy picture. 

It may be hard on your fleshly, selfish side to give up control and let a man take the lead. But in the end, it's far more romantic. After all, what girl dreams of being a gritty, iron-fisted princess who rescues and trembling, wimpy, weak-minded guy from the dragon, carries him away to her kingdom, and tells him exactly how to think and act from that day on? Doesn't sound much like happily-ever-after material to me! In our hearts, we don't want a "yes, dear, whatever you say, dear" kind of guy. We want a strong man who we can admire and respect. So let's not rob men of their masculinity in a childish battle for control.

Don't underestimate what God can do through one young woman who stands for His Ways. Warrior-poets can be awakened in this generation. So why not let the revival begin with you?

~Leslie Ludy 

Answering the Guy Questions: Chapter Two

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Chapter Two

Warrior-Poet Manhood

God created marriage--and everything leading up to it--to be a picture of heaven on earth. he created men to be a picture of the heroic manhood of Christ. He wants no less for you. No matter what the culture says, He is asking you not to settle.

So what exactly is a warrior-poet?

A warrior-poet has made a sacred covenant with his holy King. He has chosen to deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Christ. He no longer lives to please his own selfish desires. He lives to please his Lord. He is not seeking to draw attention to himself but to draw all eyes to Jesus. As John the Baptist said, "He must increase, I must decrease" (John 3:30). That's the motto of the warrior-poet's life. 

Christian young men are a dime a dozen. There are even many that seem to be a cut above the rest when it comes to their Christian values. But Christian values aren't the ingredients that make a true warrior-poet. A true warrior-poet emerges only when a man makes the decision to lay down self and take up Christ; to exchange his very life for the indwelling life of Jesus Christ and let all of his own dreams, desires, pursuits, and pleasures be swallowed up in an all-consuming passion for the Prince of his soul.

The best way to find a Christ-like warrior-poet is to stop searching for one. Focus on your intimate love-relationship with Jesus Christ, and He will be more than faithful to bring a Christ-built man into your life in His own perfect time and way. It's amazing how God brings like-minded men and women together when we actually step back and give Him the chance to work.

Many young women ask me how high their standards for a guy should be. Is a warrior-poet one who perfectly reflects the manhood of Jesus Christ? What if there are still evidences of selfishness or immaturity in his life? Does that mean he's not the real thing?

The mark of a warrior-poet does not lie in his perfection, but in the direction of his life. Is he aiming for the world or aiming for Christ? Is he eagerly pursuing more of Christ or is he preoccupied with himself? If his life's direction is pointed toward "less of me and more of Him," then he has the warrior-poet blood within his veins, even if God has not yet rasped and refined all the rough edges of his masculinity. If he has made Christ the center of his existence, then Christ will be more faithful to smooth away the wrinkles and refine him more and more into His divine likeness.

Set-apart women, take heart--Christ-built warrior-poets do exist in today's world! In fact, you have a very important role in raising up even more of them. We, as women, are not helpless victims to the discouraging trends of modern manhood. If we are willing, we can actually become instruments of change and allow God's Spirit to work in and through us to convert mediocre men into the triumphant knights whom we've always dreamed of.

~Leslie Ludy

Answering the Guy Questions: Chapter One

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Chapter One

Counterfeit Manhood

So how are we, as women, supposed to respond to the vast cavern between the righteous standard of Christ and the disturbing reality of modern masculinity?  Thus far, we haven't been given the right answer. I have read several books and magazine articles for Christian women that seek to help us live with guys' lust problems in an understanding, no-nagging, noncritical way. "We as women can't possibly understand a man's intense sex-drive," they exhort us, "and it's time we stop making them feel like criminals for just doing what comes naturally to them."

Criticism, nagging, or heaping guilt upon men, to be sure, will not help a man battling sex addictions and perversion. But neither will shrugging our shoulders and saying "guys will be guys."

What modern masculinity needs is a serious shot of the saving, redeeming, transforming, delivering power of Jesus Christ.

And as women, it's time we realize that we play a significant role in seeing that come about. if you ever have been discouraged, disgusted, depressed, or even defeated by the state of modern masculinity, this book can infuse you with vision, hope, and a practical means of doing something about it.

The problems of modern manhood are not to big for God. He has a huge vision for His men--the very standard of Jesus Christ. And if you are willing, you can be a part of one of the most amazing, God-inspired reformations in history--a radical return of manhood as God intended it to be, in all its glory, strength, nobility, and honor.

~Leslie Ludy 

Answering the Guy Questions: Intro

Another book by Leslie Ludy is titled Answering the Guy Questions. It has so much "good stuff" included in it, that I thought I would share. In the introduction, Leslie writes:

Even though this is a book about guys, I want to emphasize that Jesus Christ, not guys, must always remain the center of our existence. When we have a Christ-consumed heart, guys no longer dominate our thoughts, our actions, and our decisions. Rather, the Lover of our soul captivates us so completely that every guy we meet clearly sees that Jesus is, and always will be, the number one Prince of our heart.

Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart, you'll always be looking to mere men to meet needs only He can fill.

When you become consumed with Jesus Christ, dealing with guys becomes far less confusing!

Set-apart femininity can change the world. May this book inspire you to fully realize this reality.

Your Front Yard

Chad Eastham explains it something like this in the book guys like girls who..........

Have you ever had to mow the grass in your front yard? Isn't it strange to think that people stop moving the grass at an imaginary line that separates their yard from the next? It's called boundary. You can't see it, but it's there. have you ever given thought to what a boundary actually is? What does that term mean to you when you think of it? And besides that, what purpose does it actually serve?

Well, in the case of your front yard or your bedroom door, it serves as a line. It's almost like a property line, isn't it? There is a different kind of line too, and this one is yours. It distinguishes what is your property and what is not. It's pretty noticeable when someone has crossed over into our own personal space. Someone puts their hand somewhere that you don't feel comfortable with, maybe they put their face too close to yours, or maybe they start asking questions that are too private and you don't want to answer them. Usually we don't like it when people invade our personal space, and we need to show people the line that they have to stop at. Like a front door, people need to knock on the door and get permission before they are allowed to see what's inside. These are our boundaries, and they usually serve two functions.

The first function is to define who you are. They are a notice to yourself and others about what you like and don't like, what you will accept and what you won't, what we like and what we hate. Boundaries tell people how far or close we want them to be. These boundaries exist ALL the time and are usually easier to notice after people cross them.

The second purpose that they serve is to protect you. Basically they tend to help keep the negative stuff away, and to attract the good stuff more naturally. Have you ever heard the saying "If you don't know what you stand for, you might fall for anything"? Well, it works like that here too. Boundaries are there to protect your reputation, your body, your and other people's feelings, and your most valuable asset: your heart. How many girls have you known who have exposed their bodies and their hearts in the wrong way or to the wrong person? When you don't have these boundaries, you are much more likely to expose yourself to harsh elements. Just as a coat is a boundary between your skin and cold weather, your personal boundaries protect the innermost (and sometimes outermost) parts of who you are.