Joyfully at Home: Chapter Eight

Overcoming a False View of Husbands

Jasmine Baucham hit the nail on the head when she said:

...I'm going to wake up one morning (not right away, perhaps, but eventually) and realize that we were made to be the suitable helpers of flawed men, and not the other way around (Gen. 2:19-25). Beyond that, we're flawed women who react to flawed men, sometimes, in very flawed ways. Some days, there will be trouble in paradise. And beyond that, we're not goddesses to be worshiped  but helpmeets who are going to be in the trenches. If we go into a marriage looking to have our needs met, we're eventually going to realize that marriage, like every other area of our lives, isn't all about us.

In fact, in many ways, marriage is less about us than singleness is.

We should not develop the habit of placing all of our hops in fallible human beings, because they are sure to disappoint us. Christ should always be the center of our joy (Deut. 6:5), in singleness or in marriage. And, whether or not the Lord has marriage in our futures, that's a lesson we need to learn right now, because it's a lesson that will keep us focused on the Lord whether single or married. As single women, we need to learn to place our needs and desires at the foot of the cross, not on the alter of the perfect husband-to-be.

Marry Kassian writes in her book, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild, in light of the nature of women and their complementary difference from the men in their lives:

So here's my advice to you--unmarried or married--who 

want to be Girls-Gone-Wise:Let him drive. Wait for him to

pick up the keys (physically and metaphorically). Hold back.

Don't rush in. Give him a chance to initiate. Welcome his

leadership. I know that nowadays, men are plagued with the

sin of passivity. This is primarily due to their sin natures, but 

also in part because women have shoved them out of the driver's

seat and brashly taken the wheel. I know that many women 

ache for their men to step up and be men. What I advise all

the [young women] crying on my shoulder is this: "Reclaiming

your womanhood is the best way to help a man reclaim his

manhood." We live in a world broken by sin. So this isn't easy.

But a Girl-Gone-Wise inclines her heart to embrace her role as 

a woman and follow God's design.

Believe it or not, our desire for certain things in life will not be wholly satiated once we're married. Some of us may wait anxiously for the children the Lord will bless us with. Some of us will then wait anxiously for the milestones in that child's life. We might wait for a financial issue to be resolved, or we may wait for a certain ministry opportunity to open up. The opportunities for waiting--for longing--will continue till the day we die. We need to find our sufficiency in Christ during these longing seasons, to dwell on him, to seek his heart. When Hannah longed for a son, she had no way of knowing how the Lord was going to answer her longing, yet she trusted him, even as she cried out to the Lord (1 Sam. 1).

You know what I like to think about even more than being a blushing bride, looking down the isle at the man I've waited for, knowing by then his side of the story (although that sounds heavenly as well)? I like to think about having been married for fifty plus years, having been loved purely and freely by my best friend for the balance of my days, having sought hard after the things of the Lord together, having faced life's trials and triumphs side-by-side...I think I'll look at him one day while he's doing a task I've watched him do a million times, and I won't think of the wait so much as I'll think of the fullness of our time spent together. And I think what I'll feel and what I'll know then will be worth all the wondering I may have experienced before he came on the scene.

I couldn't have said it better.

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