Love Story: Brian and Kim

Brian and Kim

How many years have you been married?

17 years.  Praise the Lord! 

Tell us a little about your courtship story and how you met:

We met in a Singles Sunday School class.  Brian got my number from a mutual friend after meeting me after class.  Our first date was a Sunday lunch following church.  He then took me to a local park by the river where we walked and talked for a few hours.  We lived an hour apart, therefore, it was not easy to see each other throughout the week.  On our second date, Brian came to where I lived and took me to a nice restaurant and a movie.  Following the movie, we talked until the wee hours of the morning.  Between the first and second dates, I had asked him a looong list of questions.  He told me later he felt like he was being interrogated – and he was!  I knew that I was not going to waste my time with someone I could not see myself with in a marriage relationship.  I did not want to play games, and was not afraid to let him know that.  Well, that did not drive him away!  I wanted him to meet my family – it was important that they liked him…they did!  Within a few months of dating, we knew we were going to get married.  He was drawn to me being spunky.  I was drawn to him being a leader.  We were drawn to each other, because we loved God and wanted to put Him first in our lives.

Did either of you become a Christian while courting or after marriage?

We were both believers when we met.  At this point in my life (at the age of 26), I would not have dated a man who was not a committed Christian. 

Tell us about your special day. Where did you go on your honeymoon?

Our wedding day was one of the happiest days in my life.  At the end of the evening my cheeks hurt, because I smiled non stop!  I was one giddy girl totally excited about the man I was beginning a life with.  We were surrounded by our closest friends and family.  Our bridesmaids and groomsmen are still some of our dearest and best friends.  I was a middle school special education teacher, and my students were a part of our wedding party.  It was wonderful having them with me prior to the wedding and being a part of our day.  My mother made my wedding gown and all of the bridesmaid dresses.  One of my favorite pictures is of my sweet Daddy walking me down the aisle – he looked so handsome in his tux and it was a thrill to live the moment of being on his arm going to meet my husband – an exchange of sorts, very profound. 

We went to an all inclusive resort on the island of St. Lucia.  It was beautiful, and extremely relaxing.  We were able to tour the island, snorkel, and be together 24/7 without interruptions. 

What was your first home like? Any new traditions you would like to share that you started together after marriage?

We rented our first home, and it was not a good situation!  The owner of the home did not care about the upkeep, and we often had buckets sitting all over our den to catch water leaks when it rained!  In hindsight, we learned from our mistakes in being too hasty to find a place to live and staying somewhere too long…we should have moved sooner than later!

We began the tradition of celebrating holidays with spiritual significance.  We wanted to honor Christ over Santa and the Easter Bunny. 

What was your first year of marriage like? What is one thing you would say to someone who has just gotten married or who will in the future?

Our first year of marriage was not pretty!  We had a very difficult time adjusting to married life.  Those difficulties stemmed out of sin in our lives – pride, pride and pride.  Did I say pride?  We made numerous mistakes in those first twelve months that took us down roads of heartache.  We chose to make decisions without wise counsel, and for that we had a price to pay.  We were shocked at how hard it was to live together!  We could talk for hours on the phone while dating, and thought we knew everything about each other, but once we lived together we were quite surprised by what we did not know!  Due to immaturity (both in our mid-20’s) and pride, we both shut down in our communication, which only created more strife and difficulties in our young marriage. 

I remember vividly going to an older woman for advice when I was stumbling around in shock over my not having a “happily ever after.”  I poured my heart out, grumbled, complained, cried.  She listened.  Then, without hesitation she said, “Kim, satan wants your marriage to be destroyed.  God wants to use you both in His Kingdom, and satan will do everything he can to stop your marriage.” With that, she encouraged me to fight against the powers that raged around us, powers that are of this dark world and spiritual forces of evil.  (Ephesians 6:10-18)

Little did I know that was only the beginning of fighting for what God wanted in our lives over what the deceiver of mankind wanted.  I wish I could say her words made everything better immediately, but in reality they did not.  It took many years of dying to ourselves, living for Jesus, asking forgiveness, granting forgiveness, and fighting hard for what we knew we truly wanted in our marriage.  Those are our daily tasks that makes our marriage strong today, by the grace of God and no less. 

I encourage young lovers to seek first the Kingdom of God.  Fall in love with Jesus above any one else.  He is the only One who can meet all your needs – and HE WANTS TO!  Do not let any one person draw you away from your first Love.  When people are jealous of your relationship with Jesus, you are doing something right.  Get involved in a Bible study. 

Secondly, surround yourselves with like minded believers and older adults who have traveled down the road of marriage.  Brian and I would not have the marriage we have today without the mentorship of older couples in our lives.  Realize no one has the perfect marriage, but you can learn from their mistakes and victories. 

If you are not yet married, DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN GOD’S BEST FOR YOU!  If you are pursuing a relationship with God, He will guide your path in a finding a mate.  Ask boldly before His throne of grace.  Work on yourself-ask God to show you what you need to become for your future mate.  Enjoy every day of being single. Take advantage of this time in your life to pursue your goals and dreams. Learn to be content in singleness.

What were your parenting years like? How many children do you have?

We have two children who are now in middle school – so we are still in the midst of parenting!  God has used our parenthood to show us His love, grace, and mercy beyond anything else in our lives!  Parenting has humbled us, revealed sin areas in our lives, and drawn us closer in our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Would you like to share some of your greatest challenges and what you learned from them?

Brian is an entrepreneur – it is in his DNA.  We have had a few business “challenges” in our 17 years together.  We had to learn to work together.  I had to learn to embrace his God given gift of vision in business. 

We had to learn how to speak each other’s love language.  I recommend Gary Smalley’s book, The Five Love Languages.  This takes us dying to ourselves, putting Christ first, and loving each other when we do not feel it!  Love is not a feeling, it is an action.

We have learned God is our Source and Strength.  Our family is not our source and strength, this country is not our source and strength, and we are not each other’s source and strength.  God has shown Himself to us over and over again…He alone is Faithful.  Family disappoints, church disappoints, civil leaders disappoints, husbands and wives disappoints – but God Almighty never disappoints!

At the most unhealthy and unhappy time in our marriage, I sought Christian counseling.  It saved my life and our marriage.  Brian did not want me to go to counseling (remember the pride issue?), but I went anyway.  Now he would tell you it was the greatest thing that has happened to us.  We both know God continues to use what we learned from that very dark period in our lives to draw us closer to Him and to help others.

Any last advice you would like to give to a young lady, newly married, or woman who has been married awhile?

With all that said, I am married to my best friend, the funniest man I know, the provider for my family, father of my children, my greatest fan.  I am so blessed to have Brian in my life.  I was foolish to think marriage would be easy.  Through the hardships we have walked through with God's help and direction, our love has grown and taken on deep roots.  We are no longer foolish to think hard times will never come again.  We are on the look out for problem areas, constantly working on communicating with each other, making each other the priority over our children.  We love week-end getaways without the kids, and consistent date nights.  It keeps our marriage fresh and romance alive.  We now see the mystery of Christ's love for his church and the parallel of marriage between man and wife.  It draws us closer to Christ as we draw closer to each other.  And that is "happily ever after."